|Posted on October 25, 2013 at 8:45 AM|
...when you can't find "click here to buy my book" links all over their website...
Try it some day...you will find it is a rule inclined to hold true.
The downside is that I have only just found your book...and now I have found it I can't seem to get it up on Kindle...never mind...I am in no hurry to read it.
"How do I feel now", on the front page, cuts too close to the bone...my bone...
Remember algebra? The way that so many different formulae can, in the end, arrive at the same answer? I am just at the same answer from a different formula.
Funny thing, somebody tried (and failed) to mimic me once, and I look and just see garbage that has nothing to do with reality...
I read (no, truth is, I scanned it) that first page and saw my head inside someone else's life.
Most people grow up, exactly as you say, except they are out there in the audience, where everything is edited to be as reassuring and hopeful as possible.
We, human beings, are not really designed to handle the whole of truth.
Some of us slip down a rabbithole and find ourselves behind the scenes, where there is no editing. Then we do not have much choice but see clearly through everything most people get to take comfort in. We know that, unless you get a functional family issued at birth, nobody will ever really care. We know that everybody is out for themselves and their loved ones and doesn't really give a flying feck who they hurt or harm (and we get to know, only too well, that hurt and harm can be very different things) . We know that the cavalry will NEVER come and there is no other form of rescue...
...all we can do is life in fear every day of our lives and hope we do not attract more harm than we can handle alone.
I am on the edge of having to cut off all interaction with the internet (apart from that I have always been a near total recluse, I am mutually incompatible with people there is no way to fix any of me, either). I can't seem to look without tripping over some hideous, corrupt agenda or another that other people will not see until it is too late, and losing it because I can even *FEEL* the harm it will do.
I have seen so much that is so dirty and rotten that my own species disgusts me...and yes, the ones who pretend to care and want to "rescue" you are the cruellest, and most ironical of all...because their is ALWAYS an agenda, and it has nothing to do with your wellbeing....far from it.
One day, Amazon will finally deliver your book, and I will read it...but until then, based on one single page:
Morituri te salutant
(The Gladiator's salute, given by those who intended to avoid dying for as long as possible despite it all - which pretty much sums up my existance )
|Posted on October 25, 2013 at 12:50 AM|
Hi, Lilly. I Just finished your book, and I felt compelled to look you up online and was pleased to find your website. It is hard to believe what the human body and mind can endure, and I firmly believe that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and I just hope that someday you can find a bit of peace and calm in your mind. YOU ARE AN AMAZING WOMAN, AND YOU ARE CHANGING THE WORLD AND OPENING THE CURTAINS ON ABUSE ONE READER AT A TIME. If only we could be hypnotized to block any bad memories. If only drugs helped as much as we want them to. I will never forget your story, and I will keep my eyes wide open to any signs of abuse in the special little people around me. May peace find you, Dre
|Posted on September 5, 2012 at 5:25 PM|
Hi Lily.. I just finished reading your book and I have to say it was very heartbreaking..I cant imagine how people could do all those bad things to you.I wonder how you are doing now, if time has healed your pain and if you have found the peace that you've been looking for. I dont know if you've been asked this question before...and I hope you dont mind answering this question but I know it was a religious place at the convent, and I was wondering if your experience there has impacted your belief in God or if you have kept your faith strong through out all this torment that you have been through. If so has that helped you any in coping with your pain and anger that you have inside? If not have you looked into opening yourself to God? I understand under your circumstances it would be hard to have faith in God..but I am a firm believer and honestly say that he would be the only one to help you with ease all that pain that you are going through. Please let me know what you think. Thank you best wishes for you and your family!
|Posted on August 27, 2012 at 4:25 PM|
This is Kami from twitter.. Just FYI.
I just finished your book and I am so sorry for all the evil you have had to bear. I do hope that you can feel the love and support from the Internet. I hope that you are able to find some joy with your Tony and your children. I have a Tony too but his name is Steve.
I was abused too. Abuse is horrible whether it is one time or a zillion times! My abuse wasn't as much as yours but I still get my dark times and I still cannot just get past it. It feels like it controls everything I am and do most of the time. So I just wanted to say that I get it. I get those feelings and the guilt of what I've put my husband and children through.
My question is, did you finally break away from you mom and family members that were no good.
Thank you Lily for being strong and sharing your story.
|Posted on August 25, 2012 at 4:00 PM|
Not finished your book yet, and so glad to have found your blog. Just wanted to say "You'll never walk alone.."
Love & support, Amron
|Posted on August 11, 2012 at 9:00 AM|
You sure have run the gamut of abuse, and I am truly sorry that you rarely experienced love during your childhood. I have been abused through my life, am having a difficult time with it, but I can't imagine the pain you feel daily. For you to feel love for others is truly miraculous in light of the lack of love you and your siblings were shown. I wish there was something that I could do to help you. I can understand how you could feel the way you do about life because of the unfairness you have been treated with. I am disgusted with the Catholic church, and had no idea that they could go that far in the name of God. How the could torture and torment, and send you to people that were doing the same is far beyond my understanding.
I understand how money cannot take the pain away. I would rather have had my family and their love than to have money or anything else. There is no replacement for a mothers love. It is unfortunate that illness resides in families and rules everything within. It's sad that people cannot see how sick they are and so quick to point a finger outward without seeing inward. That's the problem though, people don't care enough to look inward and see. But also, how were they raised? Parents some times act only how they were shown. I wonder how your parents were treated. Were they shown the same lack of love, and just didn't know better? Not making excuses here, but just wondering. I know that my father is an alcoholic, and that his father was also. It runs in families. I am the scapegoat in my family-unless I stay away-and the blame has left me with nothing but pain. Especially when you did nothing to cause this. But who am I telling? You know how it is to be blamed for things you are not guilty of.
I hope that you find peace for yourself some where in this world. There is a big reason why you survived. If not for your husband and children, then to tell your story. Once again I am sorry for what you have had to go through at the deceptive, ignorant, and thoughtless hands of heartless people. I know you said therapy doesn't help, but have you tried Reiki just to feel peace. Some times other things might help. I hope you find some peace that makes living your life now worthwile. I think this world needs people like you. Thanks for this opportunity to write you.
|Posted on June 26, 2012 at 3:20 PM|
Sorry if this is a repeated question, I don't know if you have been asked this before... do you know what ever happened to the nice couple that let their dog sleep with you, the ones that (unfortunately) had the priest brother?
I am just wondering if they became part of your extended chosen family? It did not seem like many members of your biological family would have been a positive part of your family as you got older - I want to believe they became surrogate grand parents.
|Posted on June 12, 2012 at 7:50 PM|
I'm in the process of reading your book and if nothing else it lets me know that my childhood that I viewed as bad really wasn't that bad at all. It's amazing that abuse of this magnitude could have happened to so many children for such a long period of time and nobody did anything to stop it. What's even more incredible is that it was done by priests and nuns who are supposed to adhere to the love and compassion Jesus taught. They are clearly very sick people.
I'm wondering, if you don't mind answering, if these nuns and other abusers are alive today and if any of them have paid for what they did? Have you received any compensation from the Catholic Church for what they did to you as some other victims of their abuse have?
When did these things happen? Have the Catholic Church or the Irish government made any attempt to help you try to heal your emotional injuries, such as providing therapy or any other help?
If you don't want to answer questions I understand. I figured that it doesn't hurt to ask though.
|Posted on May 22, 2012 at 2:25 AM|
I started your book today, and read front to back all in one sitting! I can not believe there are sooo many rotton people in this world and you had to endure soo much pain from those you thought were close to you. Finding Tony was a God send, for he truely loves you endlessly (every womans dream). You have a purpose, and no matter how rough you had it, this book is truely an inspiration and you have a chance to make a world of difference. Stay possitive and continue to educate the world on abuse. It's one of those topics (like sex) where everyone knows it's happening but wants to turn their head or pretend it is not!. You are a strong lady with a great heart, enjoy your children and partner while you can. You have a huge support system behind you.
To be frank, I would love to come to london and kick ur mum's ass, along with her piece of shit bf. I'm so glad you seperated yourself and your family from all of them. They are truely unbelievable and should rot in prison for all eternity. Sister Ann better be praying for her own ass too...hope all those "cunts" rot in hell. Makes me so angry.
Best of luck to you and your family. Stay strong! Best of wishes! xo
|Posted on April 19, 2012 at 2:15 PM|
As I was reading your book I wanted nothing more than to take young Lily & Simon into my own home to show them love & how children should be treated. I am so sorry for all the unwanted, unloved & mistreated children everywhere. It all just seems unfair. I canNOT imagine what goes on the minds of abusers....for that matter I don't think I want to know. I would also like to shake Tony's hand. He must truly be a special person to possess that type of unconditional love.
You are a survivor and such a strong person to have lived your life in the face of such cruelty. I will pray for you that you will feel peace. You will soon have supporters from all over the world. I hope it may help a small bit to know that all people are not as bad as the ones you have encountered in your life thus far.
Amy, Kentucky, US
|Posted on April 12, 2012 at 10:55 PM|
Just finished reading the book yesterday and I cannot stop thinking about it. First of all, may your baby brother rest in peace. I loved reading that you always took care of him, for he was and always will be your baby brother. I admire you, and hope one day you find peace you deserve.
|Posted on March 5, 2012 at 8:10 PM|
I never forget the things that has happened to me as a child. The many people that you thought you could trust called me a liar when I spoke the truth so I started to lie to some of them and said these things never happene, but I know the truth and only I had or have to live with it everyday of my life. I also hid a lot, ashamed, was it really my fault, who would believe, would telling anyone stop it.
I became an overprotective mother, I loved and smothered my children just to give them things, love, comfort that I missed as a child. My children do not know my story but maybe daughter suspects. I have asked her to read your book to maybe understand why I behaved so much a overprotective mom. I had her watching abuse movies since she was 8yrs. old and always told her to never be afraid to tell me anything no matter who it is. I branded that in her head consistently.
Lily, you are stronger than you think to come as far as you have, you are still alive because you have a purpose, a story to tell, people to help. Many times I wanted to die and many times I lose faith in god and question WHY? we were only innocent children. You today have helped me and you don't even know me. When I got your tweet this morning in response to my post about your book, the excitment I got to hear from you. I called my daughter and said the author tweeted me, me. I don't know what this means or where it will lead me but I know it meant something and I'm going to see where it takes me. Maybe to open up and share my story with others or to help other abusers. I'm "A Work In Progress"
|Posted on February 28, 2012 at 8:35 PM|
|Posted on February 17, 2012 at 3:50 AM|
I am actually lost for words, but needed to write something about how brave i think you are, and the strongest person, character i have ever read about. You are clearly someone quite remarkable and i doubt there are many who walk this earth that would have fought for survival as you have. I cringe and could not read about some of your experiences never mind even contemplating living through them.
|Posted on February 13, 2012 at 12:15 AM|
|Posted on February 1, 2012 at 9:45 PM|
Just finished reading your book. Thank you for finding the courage to write your story. What a shocking account of your life. No one should have had to go through what you did, especially at the hands of nuns! I wish you well. Do you have photographs you can share? God bless you.
|Posted on December 30, 2011 at 2:35 PM|
I just finished your book. I can not believe the abuse that you suffered at the hand of the church. What you suffered, and what Simon suffered is unspeakable.
I am very proud of you for moving forward for your boys, and giving them the love and support that you did not receive. You are a very special and loving person. Someday your boys will look back at the strides that you made in your life and smile. This will only make them stronger as young men.
I am curious though; did your other brother and sisters not receive any "punishment" at the hands of the nuns? And with all the beatings that you took to your head, they never determined that you had anything wrong?
Once again, I am so proud of you and what you have become today. A strong person, wife and mother.
Many hugs and prayers that you will one day are reunited in heaven with Simon.
Trish Boomsma / USA
|Posted on November 21, 2011 at 2:20 PM|
Hi Lily, I read your book and it was brilliant. It was very emotional and honestly all I can say is I wish I could just hug you and tell you that you are a wonderful and strong person, and you deserve all the happiness in the world. Your past has made you a strong person and I pray for you to find happiness and peace everyday. Your book was fantastic and it has reminded me that in every bad situation, there is something beautiful, and that beauty is you.
|Posted on November 21, 2011 at 2:15 PM|
Wow, what a sad and disturbing life you lived through. You said you wondered how your life could of turned out? I wondered the same thing while reading your story. An excellent Seamstress, great cook, talent in music. And, to say the least an amazing writer.
Every functioning human is in search of the same thing Happiness. We are all looking for it from birth to death.
I'm not trying to sound condesceding but you should be so proud of your life today considering what unbelievable abuse you encountered. It was like your 13 year Holocaust only you never had parents. I can't even complete the sentence you never had parents to ????. Unimagninable to me.
You are an incredibly brave, strong person. Having written your book and having the good kind heart you have, you have done a lot to help others.
Keep searching for happiness.
|Posted on September 3, 2011 at 5:25 PM|
I applaud you for writing your story. I, too, have written a book called GIRL IN THE WATER. I think it helped me integrate what happened. I also know that it was very painful. I have self published and presume that is what you are doing.
Your site is beautiful and inviting.
I am a survivor of abuse from a sister. I hope to find a publisher who will take on marketing and distribution. I wish this for you as well.