|Posted on August 11, 2012 at 9:00 AM|
You sure have run the gamut of abuse, and I am truly sorry that you rarely experienced love during your childhood. I have been abused through my life, am having a difficult time with it, but I can't imagine the pain you feel daily. For you to feel love for others is truly miraculous in light of the lack of love you and your siblings were shown. I wish there was something that I could do to help you. I can understand how you could feel the way you do about life because of the unfairness you have been treated with. I am disgusted with the Catholic church, and had no idea that they could go that far in the name of God. How the could torture and torment, and send you to people that were doing the same is far beyond my understanding.
I understand how money cannot take the pain away. I would rather have had my family and their love than to have money or anything else. There is no replacement for a mothers love. It is unfortunate that illness resides in families and rules everything within. It's sad that people cannot see how sick they are and so quick to point a finger outward without seeing inward. That's the problem though, people don't care enough to look inward and see. But also, how were they raised? Parents some times act only how they were shown. I wonder how your parents were treated. Were they shown the same lack of love, and just didn't know better? Not making excuses here, but just wondering. I know that my father is an alcoholic, and that his father was also. It runs in families. I am the scapegoat in my family-unless I stay away-and the blame has left me with nothing but pain. Especially when you did nothing to cause this. But who am I telling? You know how it is to be blamed for things you are not guilty of.
I hope that you find peace for yourself some where in this world. There is a big reason why you survived. If not for your husband and children, then to tell your story. Once again I am sorry for what you have had to go through at the deceptive, ignorant, and thoughtless hands of heartless people. I know you said therapy doesn't help, but have you tried Reiki just to feel peace. Some times other things might help. I hope you find some peace that makes living your life now worthwile. I think this world needs people like you. Thanks for this opportunity to write you.